Tuesday, November 20, 2012

When There are No Words

Sometimes, no matter how much we want to be able to say the right thing, the words don't come. And so often, even though someone we know is hurting, we tend to be silent because nothing seems good enough. Because truly, sometimes there are no words. Sometimes nothing is good enough. Unfortunately, I've found myself in this situation more than once in my life. And unfortunately, remaining silent doesn't take away the other person's pain either. 

One very early morning in July, I drove into town to get a long run in. The sun hadn't even made an appearance, but as I was locking the car, I heard my name. Amy and I talked for a bit and she shared some good news with me. She was expecting her fourth child. JOY! 

Slightly past the halfway point of her pregnancy, Amy contracted listeria while traveling and became very ill. She lost that precious little baby. When I heard the news, I cried. During the days that followed, I couldn't stop thinking of this sweet woman, and how she must be suffering. Having had a miscarriage, I know that emotional healing doesn't come easy. I prayed. Several times a day. I wanted her to know how sorry I was, but what could I say? "I'm sorry" seemed trite, and not enough, but truth be told nothing could ease the pain. 

As thoughts of Amy and her tiny baby popped into my head every day I began thinking about a quilt. I wanted to give her something to hold onto during the difficult days and nights. Something tangible to say, "His life mattered. I know you loved him, and his life was precious, no matter how brief." 

I haven't been sewing much, but as I prayed for this hurting mother, inspiration set in. A log cabin design was chosen because we build our lives around our family. Red was used as the center to represent the love between a mother and her child. Blue because Jack was a boy. And because she's mourning. And yellow. The color of hope and of joy. No matter that this little boy only lived inside his mother's womb he was loved, he was special, and brought joy.

And there is hope that someday Amy will be reunited with this wee one. She'll hold him again and her tears will be no more.

Bits and pieces. Nothing purchased. Plenty of love, and prayers.

I delivered it yesterday, and I'm still praying.


Rachel said...

Beautiful in every way!

Anonymous said...

Oh how absolutely *lovely*....She will treasure your love-gift always.....

Danielle said...

Oh, Tracy, that was probably the most beautiful thing you could have ever done. I'm sure the lovely blanket will be tear stained by a greiving mother... but that is all part of the long road to healing. I love the symbols you so carefully chose!

Michelle, a heart at home said...

I lost our third child-a little girl-on September 12, 2001. Hope is forever in my heart and I have a small keepsake box of things-a tiny hat from the nursery, photos, footprints and such. I don't feel the need to look at them all the time, but it comforts me to know that I have them. It's for that reason that I know Amy will forever treasure the quilt you made for Jack.
What a wonderful and loving friend you are!

sherry said...

thoughtful doesn't come close to describing your labor of love. she will be blessed with your gift, tracy.

as to "i'm sorry." ... sometimes it is enough. :)

bless you dearly.

Jen said...

Tracy, I have been lurking on your blog for years. A dear friend of mine also lost a baby boy, about a month ago. She was 7.5 months along.

I am crocheting her an afghan for the same reason you made this quilt.... As a way of doing something and showing love.

Thanks for posting about this! May I please use some of the words from your post in my card to her about the afghan?

Jen in ON

Margo said...

what a beautiful, loving gift, Tracy. I'm so sad, though, to read this post. Makes me teary. (and apart from even its beautiful meaning, it's such a charming quilt!)

Rebecca said...

I am in a moment like this right now, in fact. You can read about it on my blog.

When you wrote "I prayed. Several times a day. I wanted her to know how sorry I was, but what could I say? "I'm sorry" seemed trite, and not enough, but truth be told nothing could ease the pain." I could scarcely believe I hadn't typed those words. It is so true.

BUT Tracy, I can't think of a more loving, more wonderful gift of friendship and caring and comfort than what you came up with. Your prayers and thoughts were a gift but your fingers worked to weave peace- and God, no doubt, has used you to bring her joy.

Praise God for you and friends like you, and for little boys wrapped in His love and for women, who draw closer to Him in such painful times.

Beautiful quilt. Beautiful heart you have.

Terri said...

What a wonderful gift, Tracy. So much thought and meaning put into it.

farmhousequilter8 said...

Tracy, that was wonderful!

Mrs. Anna T said...

Tracy, admittedly I've been teary-eyed all through yesterday and today, especially when someone mentions someone who is suffering through infertility or miscarriage, but, oh... I'm just sitting here and crying. But those are good tears. You made a lovely quilt. It's really the best way to come to someone in need - without too many words if you feel you don't have the right ones, but with something to show you have thought of them, prayed and cared.

Becky K. said...

That gave me goosebumps.
How precious.

Made and given with love.
Now, I will add this family to my prayers.

Sharon said...

Tracy, that is a beautiful thing you did for your friend. I'm sure she will treasure it always.

Ginger said...

What a thoughtful and beautiful gift. I know the pain of having lost children and although life goes on there is always an empty place in a momma's heart for the ones she never got to hold or love on this earth.

No doubt she was blessed and will treasure the gift always.

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